I know you will call me names, but I do not bloody care. I will keep trying, I must blow too. My name is Adeleke Adedeji David; my friends call me Davido for obvious reason. I want to believe I am destined to be rich just like my namesake. It is a sin for my parents to borrow Davido’s name and not his money for me. I clocked 19 on 21st November 2017. Now you are convinced that it is not just coincidence. I was supposed to be a member of the real Adeleke’s dynasty.
My family is the typical Father, Mother and their three children, two boys and a girl. Our firstborn is serving as a youth corps in Maiduguri, my little sister is in 100 level in a private university. My hatred for poverty is vehement. I abhor resentment towards my parents for their inability to provide things I feel are necessary for my comfort. Every time I am in the company of my friends, whose parents lavish money on, I always wish I possess the magic to switch parents.
Last week, was supposed to be the end of my quest for wealth. It all started two years ago, when I met Tunde(a colleague from school, who lead my American life dreams), he is a proud owner of a 2017 Aston Martin sport car, built two bungalows around the school area where he lives in one and gave out the other for rent. Tunde’s room is dope! I cannot be giving details here (it is not even relevant to my story really). Tunde is a correct yahoo boy; he makes his dough regularly and flaunt his money without reservations. He introduced me to the rudiments, I was eager, so I learnt quite fast. However, the money seems not to be in the eager mode, as I keep investing more into buying data, needed gadgets etc, and none of my maye (clients) are ready to do the wiring.
Two months fast forward, I was a broke ass nigga. Could not even afford to do the regular sub. I knew a piece of the puzzle is still missing, so I took the bold step of knocking the door of a babalawo (ifa priest) to find the missing piece. I was told to bring the undies of women (pants or bra precisely). Deep inside, I knew the missing link is found. I knew getting the bra or pant is never going to be a problem as I got my first pant, the next day. Took it with smile on my face, and assurance of wealth in my heart. Few minutes with the priest broke my heart, as Tinuke’s pant was declared “USED by another person”!
I was surprised and betrayed.
I resolved, probably I was not that fast. Just the evening of the next day, Sola came visiting (she has always denied me sex, insisting she is a virgin and not ready to be sexually active until marriage), as usual, I tried having sex with her and she refused as expected but I got my prize and the next morning, off to the baba’s place with confidence. “My son, this one too has been used.” I was speechless, argued with baba that the owner is a virgin. Baba dismissed my claim with a wave of his left hand, and showed me the proof of his claim. Every pants or bras that has been used brings out maggots when brought out of the calabash where it has been kept with some leaves for 5 minutes. I brought nothing less than seventeen pants or bras, all declared USED! I was devastated, angry, frustrated and even more broke. My undies stealing adventure has taken three weeks.
Out of desperation, I decided to take my destiny into my hands, I resolved to go home and get either my mum ’s undies or my little sister’s own. I chose the latter. I arrived at Baba ’s place armed with my sister’s bra (how I got it is irrelevant). I gave it to Baba for the incantation and rituals. I was already seeing myself driving my own Aston Martin or Chevrolet, sitting in my own built 40million naira valued bungalow, and definitely with correct babes doing turns. I was jolted back to reality by Baba’s gentle shoulder push. “My son, this one has been used too. Look for undies in other places far from this town.” I do not want to believe I was aphasic at hearing those words, but I was when I looked at my sister’s bra bringing out maggots!
Et tu, Demilade?
Even my own sister has been used. How am I so sure my mum has not been used? How will I get any lady’s pant or bra that is yet to be used by fellow yahoo boys? However, why are we still seeing poor young people around if almost all the women have been used? Is it that one person used all of them? I am not interested in the answers to these questions. My little sister has been used. I am still hell broke. Tunde is still driving his Aston Martin. My quest is still on, and indeed very on. Tell all your sisters that I am coming for them. If it will take me eternity to finally get a pant or bra to use, I will keep stealing them. I must blow, like Davido, it is a sin for me to bear his name and not bear his wealth.